Bikini shopping is gruesome. The other day I was telling a colleague about a press trip I'd been offered. 'Lucky cow,' she said. 'Er, wait, does that mean you'll be by a pool with other fashion writers?'
No one feels confident about their bodies. Especially in strip lighting with a 20-year-old sales assistant the other side of the curtain sighing, 'Shall I get the next size up, then?' So don't try them on. At least not in shops when you're tired, vulnerable, bloated. Just buy. And leave. Or go online. You know your size and you can establish whether your quarry complies with the important rules just by looking at it.
BTW, those rules are: bandeaus will always obey gravity when you dive. They're hopeless on droopy boobs, too. Boy-cut, 1930s styles only look good on Keira Knightley, in the movies. A high-cut bikini bottom isn't fooling anyone either. You'll just look like an 1980s body-builder. Thickish straps are more flattering than a halter-neck - make sure they're adjustable. Don't be afraid of padding. But it must fit. Otherwise your breasts will resemble two underfed sparrows flapping around St Paul's Cathedral. If you're clashing patterns, stick to a colour scheme. Other than that, choose whatever makes you happy, in colours you'd never wear at home.
That said, my longest server is a Melissa Odabash black bikini, with tortoiseshell buckles. Costly. But Abercrombie & Fitch and its sister labels Hollister and Gilly Hicks all do reasonably priced mix-and-match prints with cute details. Sea Folly is another mid-level regular in my repertoire. Navy and white stripes with that important splash of red (great in the sun) from M&S and New Look feature, too.
Pricey may last longer than a £12 one. But it may not. Treat your cheapies like expensive ones (wash out chlorine and saltwater at the end of every day, and lay flat to dry, not in direct sun) and your expensive ones like cheapies (don't save them for best, and chuck out when they're no longer supporting you). And remember: even that first day of the holiday is never as bad as bikini-shopping in strip lighting...
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